All I've Ever Needed
by xkii22
Summary: Conquer your bad habits, or eventually they'll conquer you. Maizai & Tyzula, post-canon. Lovely banner courtesy of electric gurrl.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction. I really love the Maizai ship and have daydreamed about it a lot. I decided to write down those ideas, as well as some ideas I had about post-canon Tyzula. This takes place a few years after the end of Smoke and Shadow. It has the trope of Azula eventually coming home and accepting her crown again, while still mentally fragile (mental illness is not so easily cured in my personal experience). It's rated Soft M for lime in later chapters, language and some mature themes. I hope you like it._

* * *

 _All I've Ever Needed_

 **x**

 _prologue_

 **x**

Mai stood silent.

He was very close to her, and that was supposed to be dangerous, but it was not.

"You wanted to be alone with me?" he asked and she did not know. She was in too deep already and she had only just dipped her toe in the rough waters.

"Well, I think we might have something resembling friendship, by the standards of my past relationships. None of them have been healthy," Mai said dryly. She tried to look like she did not care, but he saw through it.

He looked right through her before he kissed her on the lips.

She began to pull away before she changed her mind and leaned in. Their lips were locked and her hand moved to his neck and it felt how kisses were supposed to feel. Or at least, it felt how she thought they were supposed to feel.

The moment he sucked on her lower lip she did break halfway free. He still had her by the arm, but the regrettable moment ended.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Mai said quietly.

He did not need to respond.

She knew what he would say about that.

 **x**

 _chapter one_

 **x**

Mai stood in front of the Caldera Pier, staring at a Fire Lord on one knee, and she was laughing. She laughed and laughed and laughed and Zuko slowly slid back to his feet.

"What does that mean?" Zuko asked, clearing his throat.

"It means no," she said, which was easier than she thought it would be.

Zuko looked stunned. It reminded her of his sister; they shared that exact expression when surprised. Neither was often taken off-guard after their nightmarish childhoods, and so, when they were, it was a travesty.

"Why?" he asked quietly. He no longer looked as cheery as he did this morning.

"I've never lived my own life, Zuko," Mai fearlessly said, face to face with her boyfriend. "The answer is no, and I think it always will be."

"You can't say always," Zuko protested but Mai shook her head.

"You're not a real romantic partner. You're a habit of mine," Mai explained. It felt surprisingly good to say it aloud. "I'm a habit of yours. We would never be together if it weren't for my parents."

He obviously never thought that, but she did not feel a single pang of regret. It _was_ her life, and she could do what she wanted with it. She never wanted to take that step until this moment, but she was right to take it.

"Habits aren't always bad," Zuko said.

Mai lingered on him for a few moments. He did look fairly pitiful, but Mai was not a person who ever showed mercy.

"This one is," she replied.

 **x**

Three days later, Mai arrived at the busy Caldera tea shop after a slow walk. Two days ago, she received a letter inviting her to discuss a job. It was cryptic and weird, so she could not pass it up. The letter came from an ex-soldier who worked security for dignitaries, and Mai was fairly good at the soldier thing. She considered herself to be the most competent soldier in Fire Nation history, as a matter of fact. Then again, that was not much of a contest.

She walked inside and a man waved to her. He was pale; it was almost hard to notice the scars on his skin. There were at least ten of them.

When she sat down across from him, he poured her a cup of tea. She emptied it into a barren sugar bowl and said, "I'll wait for the server. I don't have the energy to get poisoned today."

He laughed. She, of course, did not.

"I want to make you an offer," said the man.

"Are you here because of Zuko?" Mai asked, because she could see it in his eyes.

"Technically, yes," the soldier said. "I told him I was looking for someone for this job, and he said you would be best at it."

"Mhm. What is it that I'm interviewing for?" asked Mai, cracking her knuckles one by one. She figured watching that would be more interesting than this conversation.

"We're cracking down on various different rebel syndicates," he explained. He made it sound even more boring than it was. "People who have done awful things."

"I've done plenty of awful things," Mai said firmly. "I'm not an enforcer of justice and I have no plans to become one."

"This isn't as exciting as you seem to think. We're trying to interview everyone in custody as extensively as possible. We're doing more than looking for certain people; we're building an archive of important information, names and examinations." He now sounded passionate about his work, and she felt bad for him.

"I'm also not a very good interviewer," Mai said honestly.

"You're not very good at letting people finish their sentences either," he said after unclenching his jaw. "There have been some who eagerly jumped at the opportunity to earn some points. There have been some who outright declined and I'm working on them."

Mai sighed. She knew what this was about. "So, because of my dad, you want my help? I don't associate with my father, and he doesn't associate with me, and I'll get nowhere with him. Perhaps you could ask one of his ex-mistresses."

She apparently did not know what it was about, because the soldier looked stunned. "I don't know why Fire Lord Zuko recommended you, but your father was a forthcoming man when bribed. No, the one source we most want—and most need—we haven't been able to get."

Oh, Mai had heard this before. Right before she was nearly gutted by a psycho bitch. "You're not going succeed at this. You've clearly never actually talked to royalty outside of fucking Zuko and his _humble_ ways. No, people who are born royal are told they are divine and better than us in every single way, and that they don't need to answer to anyone. Unless you, uh, tuned out all of the genocide and public executions."

"Well, that statement puts you head and shoulders above your competition for the job. You're good at talking to royalty, it seems," he said, and Mai scoffed in response.

"I've talked to enough royalty to last more than one lifetime," she said, beginning to stand up. "I also think I have pissed off all three living royals at this point. I declined the marriage proposals of—oh Agni, that's why. That's why you're asking me. Let me give you the contact information of a girl who is much cuter than I am and just as experienced."

"Aren't you at all interested?" the man asked and she hesitated.

Mai opened her mouth to snap back that she was not, but it dawned on her that she. . . _was_. She was interested in something and that was alarming.

She asked, "How much does this job pay?"

 **x**

"Ah, welcome," said a middle-aged man with a ring of keys and no power other than that. Mai did not thank him, and he looked aggravated by it. She knew that he would not say anything, however.

"I'm here to interview a person," Mai said. _A person_ felt oddly better than saying _Ozai._ "Don't look so confused. Is it your first day on the job?"

"I'm not some secretary. You could be politer. I'm actually the warden of this prison but we are massively short on help. Perhaps you could apply for a job if you know so much." He sighed, closed his book and stood up. "Are you armed?"

"Define armed."

"Carrying weapons."

"Define weapons."

"Items that could be used to kill or maim other humans."

"Yes. I am armed, and I am not disarming. Aren't there bars in this place?"

He held out his hand. She sighed and decided it wasn't worth the trouble, and so she stacked blades on a table as he watched, puzzled by the sight. Mai held onto the one tucked between her breasts; she was not stupid. Her last altercation with an imprisoned royal nearly took her life.

"There are bars. Don't worry," he said with a patronizing glance.

Mai rolled her eyes and prayed this would end quickly.

The warden led her through the halls. They went past the ordinary wings. The Fire Lord had special treatment even when charged with numerous war crimes. Mai knew it was probably so that no one would attempt to kill him just to say they did, or the other way around, but she did not have enough faith in humanity to fully subscribe to that theory.

"Seems lonely out here," Mai said. She glanced out of the first window she had seen in some time. The view of the pier was depressingly spectacular.

"Not quite. He is popular, quite popular. It's actually a nuisance. The amount of unannounced visitors and person mail is difficult to monitor."

"That's pretty much your only job."

"No. I have to watch over all of the prisoners in a very important. . ." He trailed off. Mai ignored him. "You're less charming than most of the girls."

"Only most of them? I have to step up my game."

They reached the right room and Mai receded into her thoughts for a few moments. Memories flashed behind her eyes and none of them made sense together. When she reacquainted herself with her surroundings, the warden and three guards were staring at her and waiting for her to walk inside.

Bars separated the two of them, but he looked quite cozy. It was better than Mai imagined; he was at a desk and surrounded by _things_. It was like a scene into Zuko's office, which nearly made her laugh. He saw her and his eyes made her feel chilly.

"You're still alive," the former Fire Lord remarked, as if impressed.

"So are you. That's more surprising, I think," Mai replied, remaining as disinterested as possible.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"To talk to you," she answered.

"Why?" He sounded as smug as ever. Mai should not have agreed to this.

"Because I feel like it. That's why." She sighed. "I'm supposed to be interviewing you or something. They gave me questions I'm supposed to ask. I promise to not be as crazy about it as your children, because I really don't care that much about who gets killed by who."

He said nothing for a few heartbeats before turning to the warden—who had his arms crossed and his back too straight—and said, "Are you going to offer this girl a chair?"

"Why should I?" asked the very self-important warden, looking between the lowly guards. They were frozen in place.

Fire Lord Ozai said, "Because it's common courtesy and she might be here a while."

"Do you want a chair, Mai?" asked the dear warden.

"I'll stand," she said dryly.

Ozai broke the silence by saying, "How's Zuko?"

"Do you care? I don't," Mai said too hastily. No; she gave too much of herself.

"That's a very hostile response," he commented, meeting her eyes for the firs time. Before, he put extra effort into making her feel worthless. Or, at least, he tried. Mai was used to being on the receiving end of every tactic in that book. He must have written it, however, she realized. Or maybe his father.

"I'm a very hostile person, especially when asked about my bad habits," Mai replied.

"Is that what he is to you? A . . . bad habit?" He looked pleasantly surprised.

"Can I ask my questions or not?" Mai demanded.

"Do you hold respect for anyone other than yourself?" he said, which she took as a compliment. She was succeeded at making him feel unimportant, and that was satisfying.

"I hold respect for people who have earned my respect, not people who think they deserve it by right of birth," she said.

He laughed. She wanted to stab him.

"Agni, she fucked you up," he remarked. She genuinely considered stabbing him.

Mai refused to answer that. He wanted her to react, and she hated giving people what they wanted. "Well, the question of nature or nurture seems unimportant at this point. I think I want that chair now." She turned to the warden and it took him several moments to realize what she meant. He left the room, but he would return swiftly.

"Why do you think I'm in here?" Ozai asked and Mai did not know where that came from.

"I'm asking the questions," she said.

"Why do you think I'm in here?" he repeated in the exact same tone.

"Because people with more power than me think you should be. It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't affect me, actually," Mai said.

"You get to ask a question now. Choose carefully," he replied.

"Just take the damned paper." Mai handed it to him the moment the warden returned with a subpar seat.

Mai grabbed it from him and sat down. Her knees touched the bars, but just gently.

He looked up at her and met her gaze. "I'm not answering any of this. You will have to try so much harder."

"I hate trying. You should know that about me by now," Mai said.

He asked her a very common question this time. "What _do_ you like?"

"I'm not answering any of this. You will have to try so much harder." She smiled slightly.

The warden cleared his throat and the tension vanished as if it had never existed.

"I'll answer one of these, as a consolation prize. You did show up after all." A desperate grab for power. Mai wondered if she really _was_ the right person for the job.

"A prize is a prize, your . . ." She cut herself off before she could finish that honorific.

He handed her the paper through the bars.

She knew it was time to leave.

 **x**

Mai returned to an empty house. It was too grandiose, too near the palace, too dusty. She hated her family estate, but she was in charge of it. Mai never liked being in charge of things, but she never could get herself to stay a bystander either.

 _Agni, she fucked you up._

Mai had about a thousand witty responses to that comment, in hindsight. She was certain he saw that it bothered her, no matter how practiced her face was.

As soon as Mai reached the front hall mirror, she lifted up her dark hair to reveal a very new scar. Freshly healed, but no longer colorful. Her attempt to talk to Ozai was significantly more successful than her attempt to talk to Azula.

Ozai said frustrating things. Azula tried to slit Mai's throat with her own knife.

Her interaction with Ozai was also probably better than any interactions with Zuko since she began to tire of their relationship. _Relationship_. It was not one of those, but there was not a better word for it.

She picked up the paper for the first time and looked at the answer he wrote.

 _I have a lot of friends,_ he replied to the question about names of rebels—something Mai considered too forward to yield results—, _and I can't be expected to remember all of their names in under ten minutes._

That was helpful.

Mai would turn it in to Zuko's pet soldier and that would be the end of it. She would not get any further with the former Fire Lord than anyone else. Perhaps she should at least be flattered that they thought of her. She was not, but she should be.

Someone knocked on her door. That was a rare occurrence. They probably got the wrong house.

Mai walked back down the shadowy hall, abandoning her quest for matches, and opened the door.

"Oh, you are kidding." Mai had very few friends, and she worked as hard as she could to not remember their names.

This one was easier to ignore but harder to forget.

"Mai! I heard you broke up with Zuko!" shrieked Ty Lee.

"How did you find out about that so quickly?" Mai asked, baffled.

"I was in town!"

"Please stop yelling . . . It upsets my cat." _Note to self: get a cat before Ty Lee notices_.

Ty Lee put one finger to her own lips. "I'll be quiet. I was thinking I would stay with you, because you are a friend in need."

"Stay at the palace. It's close enough for you to soothe my inevitable _night terrors_ after breaking up with Zuko for the eightieth time."

Ty Lee said in earnest, "You count times you two broke up? This is worse than I thought."

Mai did not know how to respond to that.

"Why are you in town?" she said instead.

"Oh, helping Zuko with a job," Ty Lee replied, waving her hand.

"I did the same thing earlier. He hired me to interview Fire Lord Ozai." She did not have the sense to cut out that honorific. It just was not possible to detach his name from that title, without forethought.

"That's scary. I'd be scared." Ty Lee smiled. "He hired me to help a friend in need."

"He hired you to help me through my break up. I didn't know he had an ego."

"No, but I'm here for you." Ty Lee grabbed Mai's arms and squeezed. Mai remained limp. "But actually here for . . . Azula."

"Don't get stabbed," Mai said, crossing her arms.

"I don't carry knives," Ty Lee said. She smiled, but then frowned, as if noticing how cold the air between them had become.

"That's good for you. I have no idea why you would do something that stupid."

"I'm like the only person he calls for stuff like this."

"You're not living in my house," Mai said.

"I'm not planning on it. I was just so sad that you moved out of Zuko's house! Sorry, sorry, I'm yelling again. I'll upset the kitty," Ty Lee said, swaying slightly.

"I never actually moved in. I was just there a lot, because the alternative is this place." Mai gestured at the nightmare of a manor. "I also don't have a cat, but don't yell anyway."

"You should get one," Ty Lee stated.

Mai shook that thought off. "Wait—what is he doing with her this time?"

"Stuff," Ty Lee said, squinting. She looked reluctant and Mai had no desire for more information. "I've got my own atrenda."

"A-agenda. Ty Lee, _agenda_. How could you get that. . .?"

"That's what I said." Ty Lee scowled. "Now, are you gonna make me tea or are you a bad friend?"

Mai sighed.

The torture never ended.


	2. Chapter 2

_chapter two_

 **x**

"I don't think she'll be very happy to see you, but you can try," said Fire Lord Zuko.

He stood outside of Azula's room with Ty Lee. He was briefing her for whatever was inside, but Ty Lee knew she would not get it until she saw it for herself. There was nothing he could tell her that she could rely on, as much as she hated to think that.

"You're the one who invited me here," Ty Lee replied, eyeing him inquisitively.

Zuko cleared his throat, uncomfortable. "Yes, I did. She's worse."

"Worse how? Violent worse?" Ty Lee whispered, her eyes widening.

"No, scarier than that," said Zuko. Ty Lee was not sure what to think about it. "Go in and you'll see."

Ty Lee stared at her hands for as long as she could afford, and then walked into Azula's bedroom. The princess was in bed, but something was wrong about it. She did not say anything, did not glare at Ty Lee, did not try to terrorize her.

"Hey," Ty Lee said, smiling. Azula did not respond. "Hey. It's me. I'm back. I'm happy to see you."

She walked closer. Azula seemed _dead_. Was she dead? Zuko would know if she was dead or not, right?

Ty Lee stood by her and saw that she was just. . .

Something was wrong. Ty Lee did not like it and she could not explain it.

"Can I sit?" Ty Lee asked, and it did nothing. Azula did not try to murder her, but she did not acknowledge her either. Maybe she knew that was how to make Ty Lee feel bad; by making Ty Lee think she was not even important enough to notice.

Ty Lee sat down anyway; it did not seem like Azula cared very much. "I'm sorry I never ever came to talk you or see you or any of that. After you got arrested and stuff. I've just been really busy and stuff."

Azula gave no response. She was very pale and very still, but breathing. Ty Lee could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest, of the red silk blankets over her.

Ty Lee said, "You're part of my life and my world, always. You've always been and I want to be here for you."

Azula gave no response.

Ty Lee blushed and sighed and twisted in her seat. She finally said, "Do you remember when we were last in here."

Azula gave no response.

Now Ty Lee felt sick. "I'm not leaving. You know me well enough to know that."

Azula opened her mouth and her eyes flashed and Ty Lee held her breath. The princess turned away before she could even turn to Ty Lee.

Ty Lee smiled. Her princess was still there.

 **x**

Mai did not know why she came back. She should have declined when that soldier asked her again. Another man was working the front desk. He genuinely looked like it was his first day on the job, and it probably was.

He did not ask her to disarm; he was too busy trying to figure out how she was supposed to sign in. Finally, she succeeded and he went through the ring of keys one by one until he grimaced and settled on one that was worn from use.

She supposed that Ozai really was as popular as that cranky warden said.

The man could be charming, if he wanted to be, In fact, Mai realized in the middle of the night that he was trying to manipulate her. Asking for a chair; it made Mai sick.

When Mai arrived, she could see he was expecting her. She wondered if someone told him, or if he was just entitled enough to expect that she would be back. Regardless, Mai was there and he was watching her from his desk yet again.

"I'm here to try to learn all of your secrets again," Mai said, walking forward. She came closer this time; she did not know if she was afraid or uninterested, but she was not that now.

"If you tell me one thing, I will save a hundred or so lives," Ozai said and Mai tried not to laugh.

"You have as much regard for human life as I would expect," Mai said, shaking her head.

"That scar on your neck certainly is interesting. Did you get it to match your boyfriend?"

"Not my boyfriend." Mai shifted her shoulder to cover the mark with her hair. "So, how exactly will you save these. . .oh so important lives?"

"Not important lives. Just lives," he said. "I thought you were interviewing me because people just love to tell me all their secrets and would do just anything to make me like them. You would know about that. How far would you go?"

"I don't want you to like me. I don't think I ever cared."

"I'm not talking about myself," he corrected.

Mai almost laughed and said, "Zuko likes me more than I want him to."

"Also not him," Ozai said, waiting for her to realize it.

The room fell silent.

"You don't know anything about her." Mai shook her head with a smile. "You never did. If you knew half of what she never told you, you might rethink how much you adored her."

"Maybe that should be our topic of the day," Ozai said and Mai looked away.

She needed to be better at this interviewing thing. She could not leave anything exposed, because he would tear it open.

"What's the one thing I have to tell you?" Mai asked and Ozai examined her. She felt stripped bare and maybe further than that. Azula learned that party trick from him, she supposed.

"What do you hope to gain from interviewing me?"

"Valuable information about national security."

" _You_ personally."

"Money. They're paying well."

"We both know that you have no need for money. Everything your parents had is yours now. Now give me an honest answer, and I will give you an honest answer."

"I don't know," Mai said. It was true. "I don't know why I'm here right now, but if I find out, I'll tell you."

"Tomorrow there will be a very devastating attack on the harbor," Ozai said and Mai narrowed her eyes. "There will be more like it, but I'm done answering questions for today."

Mai still stood there for a few moments. He did not look at her, and so she left.

She decided to report his claim, even though it probably was not true.

They both probably walked away from that brief conversation empty-handed.

 **x**

Ty Lee went to Azula again after eating lunch alone. Zuko was not done with his audiences for the day, and Ty Lee did not want to bother him. She was here to help him, not to burden him.

"Let me tell you something I bet you already know," Ty Lee said.

Azula still was in bed, facing away from Ty Lee. Ty Lee did not readjust her position, because she feared it would pressure the princess too much. They had to take things slowly.

Ty Lee said, "I always loved you for forever. I still do because I can't just stop loving people. . .especially not you."

She waited for a response in vain.

Ty Lee said, "You were my whole world for most of my life. You kind of still are. I don't remember not knowing you. I can't forget you either. Not for a second."

Yet again, Ty Lee waited for an answer that would never come.

Ty Lee said, "I never felt the same way as how I felt with you. I know it was all mostly lies and that you were just really good at using people. . .and you were using me. But being used wasn't so bad," Ty Lee said and the silence hurt for the first time. "I'm not just saying this to try to make you like me." Ty Lee sighed. "I wanted you to like me so bad. I would do anything to make you like me. Would have, I mean. Not anymore. I don't feel that way anymore."

She wished she had chosen to sit across from Azula. Maybe the princess did care what she had to say. It felt like she did not, but Ty Lee still had hope.

Ty Lee said, "I don't really know what to talk about. I've always talked too much but now I'm kind of talking to myself and I don't know what to do about that."

Azula did not say a word.

Ty Lee expected that, even if she hoped otherwise.

 **x**

 _Mai kisses Zuko messily on the lips. She draws him nearer and nearer. They stand on a balcony above the ocean below. It smashes angrily against the rocks, but they are safe up there. Even with her back pressed against the railing, she knows she will not fall._

 _He rips open her shirt and she loves it. She is on fire._

 _She closes her eyes and leans back over the water as he kisses her neck._

 _When she opens them again, she leans immediately into another breathless kiss._

 _Mai pulls away and almost falls into the water._

 _She is not with Zuko._

Mai woke up and could barely remember who she was or where she was. The one thing she could remember in vivid detail was that dream and how very. . .personal it was.

She took a deep breath and sat up, knowing she would not get back to sleep tonight.

It meant nothing. Mai was thinking about him before bed. Or was _that_ preferable to it being Zuko in her dream. It was Zuko, or so she thought she remembered. It meant nothing.

She got up and brewed tea.

 **x**

Ty Lee sat across from Mai in a very bright teashop. It was too sunny today, and way too hot. Ty Lee felt dehydrated after two seconds outside. She did not remember the Fire Nation being so sweltering, but she had been on a cold, damp island for a long time.

"Okay," Ty Lee said, tapping her fingers on the table. It was giving Mai a headache. "How did Azula stab you?"

"With a knife," Mai replied, her attention drifting to the window. There were turtleducks playing outside in a half-drained fountain. It was old and cracked.

"No, I mean, she won't even. . .talk or move. How did she stab you like that?"

"She wasn't like that when she stabbed me. You're lucky she's subdued. I don't think she wants to see you, and I'm going to be honest about that," Mai said and Ty Lee scowled. What else could Mai say? Ty Lee should know better by now.

"You look tired," Ty Lee said, a weak attempt at changing the subject.

"I had a bad dream," Mai replied. She could feel strong guilt just by remembering it. It was much worse waking up from it.

"Do you want to go walk by the pier?" Ty Lee suggested. They used to do it when they were young and bored, watching the ships go by and wondering what it was like way across the ocean. The girls found out earlier than they thought they would.

"No," Mai said too feverishly. Ty Lee squinted at her.

"Why is that such an awful suggestion?" Ty Lee asked and Mai shrugged.

"I just don't want to, okay?" She had not told anyone about what Ozai said. It was a very risky test of his honesty. She would definitely lose her job as an interviewer once anyone found out, but she had to know. If they did anything about it, she could not prove or disprove his warning.

"Okay," Ty Lee said. Her tea finally arrived and she smiled at the waiter. Mai watched the turtleducks play again.

"We'll shop, and I'll take you back to the palace," Mai suggested, cringing at the very thought of it. She did not know why she did anything anymore.

"Yay!" Ty Lee said, even if she was wary. Mai would never suggest that, but Ty Lee would never turn it down.

 **x**

When the two women arrived back at the palace, it was in chaos.

Mai hoped it was not about what she thought it was about. That would be very bad.

"What happened?" Ty Lee asked the nearest person she could grab.

"You didn't see what happened at the harbor?" he asked, a frenzied look in his eyes.

Yeah, Mai probably should have said something.

At least she knew he was telling the truth, for what that was worth.

 **x**

"I would have done the same," said the soldier named Hiroaki. He was the one who hired Mai, but Mai never asked for his name. She had to awkwardly describe him when she went to his offices.

"You would have let a hundred people die and hundreds of gold pieces in damage happen just to see if the pathetic former Fire Lord was lying or not?" Mai asked. She spoke very slowly, expecting the reality of what Hiroaki just said to sink in.

"Yes. It's the only way," Hiroaki said and Mai wished she could think of other ways. She cared less than she should have. Mai was in the position to prevent that attack, but she felt guiltier about a weird sex dream. The world did not make fantastic sense at the time.

"You're going to ask me to talk to him again," Mai said and Hiroaki nodded. "No."

"You always say no," he said.

Mai shook her head.

"I mean it this time. I don't even want to look at him again," she said, grateful that she did not have to say why.

"He said there would be more," Hiroaki insisted and Mai wished she had spared that detail. "You could make him talk about them."

Mai sighed.

"I said no. I mean it," Mai said and Hiroaki glowered at her.

"You can't be afraid of him," Hiroaki said.

That struck a nerve. Mai decided that the discomfort of her dream was not worth being called a coward over. It was. . .pretty cowardly in the first place, to tell the truth.

"I'm not. I'll talk to him tomorrow. It's late," Mai said.

Hiroaki smiled at her.

Mai did not return one.

 **x**

Ty Lee finally sat down with Zuko. They had dinner together. She thought he was not going to eat if she did not force him to do it.

"I'm sorry that I didn't ask about Azula. I'm just kind of preoccupied by that attack," Zuko said, poking at his food with one chopstick. He probably was not going to eat even though Ty Lee made him try.

"Is she ignoring you too?" Ty Lee said and Zuko shrugged.

"Yes. I think she's ignoring herself. Or maybe she gave up. I don't know. I thought maybe she would respond to you," Zuko said, he set down that chopstick and edged his plate away from himself.

"I still think I can get her to," Ty Lee replied. "I really can. Just give me time."

"You have all the time in the world. I don't know if it'll do anything," Zuko said.

He looked so tired.

Ty Lee wished she could cure him.

She wished she could cure Azula more.


	3. Chapter 3

_chapter three_

 **x**

Ty Lee woke and decided how she wanted to spend her morning.

She wanted to have breakfast with Azula. It might not go well, but Ty Lee was not expecting any instant progress. Ty Lee was still scared of Azula's state of mind. She honestly hoped that Azula was just playing everyone by feigning catatonia. That would be familiar; that would be the Azula Ty Lee remembered.

Ty Lee organized it with the servants. She went into Azula's room and watched two very muscly guys move a table for them.

"I know you're not asleep. We had enough sleepovers for me to know that," Ty Lee said. "You don't have to get up with me. But I know you're awake."

Azula did turn over to face Ty Lee. She might have looked irritated, or Ty Lee could me imagining that.

Ty Lee said, "Do you remember our first and only date? You refused to admit it was a date, but it ended a lot like one. We ended up having breakfast together. I looked for the same stuff. Am I crazy to remember all of that? I remember all of that. I remember what you were wearing down to the last detail. It was right after Ba Sing Se fell, and you said you might have time for me."

Azula ignored her.

Ty Lee said, "I've been in love with you since before I can remember. You reciprocated just enough to keep me wanting you, but not enough for me to have you. That's not the crazy thing. The crazy thing is that I didn't care. I loved playing your games."

Azula did not respond.

Ty Lee said, "Do you want any of this? I can't eat if you don't. I really can't. Maybe it's just an old habit."

Azula sat up and Ty Lee felt exalted. Maybe Azula really did just need the right person.

The princess did not stand or speak. Ty Lee took a cup of tea in her shaking hands and brought it to her old flame. Azula did not take it into her own hands and Ty Lee felt awkward and uncomfortable.

Ty Lee said, "I love you."

Azula took the piping hot tea and examined it.

She poured it out onto Ty Lee's lap and walked to her window-seat, not showing a single emotion as the acrobat screamed.

 **x**

Mai did not sleep last night. She felt overwhelmed by the situation with Ozai.

Therefore, as soon as she pulled herself together, she grabbed her book of questions and went to the prison. She sped through the weapons search and walked to his cell.

"Oh," he said. "I see you've decided to join me for breakfast."

"I'm not in the mood for a breakfast date," said Mai. "I'm in the mood to talk."

Ozai looked up at her, smirking. He had Azula's smirk and it made Mai want to throttle him and smash his head against the bars. It was so _satisfied_. Mai should convince Zuko to relegalize torture of prisoners.

"I'll talk if you eat," he said and she debated whether she valued pride or information more. She chose the latter and sat down across from him. Of what he offered, she chose tea and an orange she did not intend on eating.

"Let's discuss the attack on the pier," Mai stated after taking a sip and searing her tongue. She showed no pain, as usual.

"It's a shame you didn't stop it," said Ozai. He sounded smug and Mai hated it. "Why didn't you? Or did no one believe you?"

"I wanted to see if I could trust you or not. I didn't say a word about it to anyone," Mai dryly explained. He looked amused.

"You're very unaffected by letting all of those people die for your own ends," he remarked, apparently not seeing any irony in that statement. "You would have been a fantastic officer. Shame you quit the military."

"Shame you dissolved it. Now I know that your intel is at least slightly valid. It was a necessary sacrifice," Mai explained.

"I wouldn't call it necessary," remarked Ozai.

"You'd do it too," she said.

"Yes, yes I would, but that doesn't negate my point."

Mai grabbed her orange and reached around for a knife. She realized that she had to disarm earlier and opted for her nails. The ring stung beneath them, but she ignored the feeling.

"You must want something in return for whatever else you tell me," she said, cutting to the chase. She did not have the patience to deal with royalty today.

"There are a lot of things I want," said Ozai. "There are a lot of things _you_ want. Society is built around desire."

Mai was unimpressed. "So tell me what you _desire_."

He laughed. "You would _not_ be a fantastic negotiator."

"I'm getting this out of the way," she explained, locking eyes with him merely to show how unafraid she was. "You have nothing to lose and are the second most selfish person I have ever met. You'll make demands. Make them now while I still have the patience for them."

"I have two." He set down his cup. "The first is immediate. I want you to give me an answer for every answer I give you. The second is for later on. If my… cooperation leads to anything significant, I demand a prison upgrade."

Mai scoffed and leaned forward. "You're in literally the nicest one we have. Unless you'd like me to ask the Earth Kingdom. Or the North Pole. Do you like snow?"

"I want an island."

Mai did not have to think before replying, "No."

He picked back up his teacup and got that _Azula_ -esque look in his eyes again. "Well, then I suppose your little project is finished then."

Mai rolled her eyes. "I'll agree to that if I decide the definition of _significant_."

"Oh, that level of significant will go right over your head," he said, speaking to her as he would to a four-year-old. "I'm planning on holding certain vital details hostage until Zuko bends to my will, which should take about five minutes."

"You almost made me laugh with that comment," Mai replied. She let the orange fall to the floor; it tasted awful. "Fine."

"Well, if you're done with breakfast, I think we're done here," he said.

Mai stood. "I'm coming back later."

"I'll be here."

Again, a true monster almost made her laugh.

 **x**

That day, Mai had Ty Lee over for lunch. Mai had experienced midday at the palace more than once, and it was boring. She also was morbidly curious about Azula.

"How's it going?" asked Mai as Ty Lee cooked for her.

"I'm good," Ty Lee said with a killer smile. "My progress with Azula is, uh, minimal."

"Minimal. Big word for you," Mai replied, but regretted it when she saw Ty Lee's expression. That was not a good. She was not laughing, which meant Azula had somehow gotten into her head again. Mai considered tying Ty Lee up until she could talk sense into her, but she just let her best friend serve soup.

"I poured my heart out, and she poured hot tea on me." Ty Lee tried to dress it up, but failed. She just could not make it sound pretty.

"People without hearts can't do heart to hearts. Did you expect that go any differently?" Mai asked, spinning her spoon in her fingers.

"No. I just had hoped when she finally interacted with me it would be kinder than scalding me," Ty Lee said, sitting down and deeply sighing.

She looked defeated after under two days of trying to help Azula. At least it was more than Mai's ten minutes.

 **x**

That night, Ty Lee had dinner alone.

 **x**

That night, Mai had dinner alone.


	4. Chapter 4

_chapter four_

 **x**

"I'd do anything for her," Ty Lee explained.

She lingered in a living room with the Fire Lord. It was late morning and he was on a break, while she paced through the halls and tried to talk herself into returning to Azula. Her task was even more daunting than she imagined.

At Ty Lee's assertion of dedication to a total psychopath, Zuko cocked an eyebrow. He stared at her like she was the crazy one, and not Azula.

"Why? I don't think she'd do anything for you," Zuko replied. He now looked at her with pity in his eyes, which Ty Lee hated, but maybe she deserved it.

"Old habits die hard," whispered Ty Lee, her eyes averted, ashamed, uncertain.

Zuko tensed up at that word. He did not like it after it was used to justify turning down his proposal, but he was trying to get over the love of his life not loving him back. It was as hard as one would expect it to be.

"They do," he said. To be honest, he had many of them, and so did everyone around him. "She's a big one of yours, I guess?"

"Not _her_. She's a person, not a habit," Ty Lee said, which only rubbed salt in Zuko's wounds. "Craving her approval completely desperately with all of my heart is my bad habit."

Zuko had no words. He just knew that Azula was difficult to forget and dealing with her existence was harder. Not to mention her expertise in making people feel _horrible guilty_ for destroying her mind and soul.

"Well, have you made any progress?" Zuko asked, already knowing the answer would be no.

"She poured tea on me! Which means she acknowledged that I was in the room!"

"That's more than I've ever gotten from her." Zuko did not want to kill Ty Lee's excitement by explaining how drastically fucked up her idea of progress was.

"It's depressing, and I know that you think that. Because it is. It is really, really, really, really, really, really, really depressing, but I have to start somewhere," sadly said Ty Lee. She already sounded defeated, but Zuko knew she would not give up that easily.

"I have to go to a thing."

Zuko excused himself before he could say a few nasty things about his very ill and broken sister, which would make him feel like a jerk.

Maybe he was a jerk; he was not too sure about that.

 **x**

Ty Lee sat in Azula's room, on her floor, with her legs crossed and her head tilted to the right. She was on the verge of just turning upside down against the wall, but she was spilling her guts out and knew it would look ridiculous if she was doing a party trick at the same time.

"I don't love you but I'll always love you and I don't know how to really understand that," Ty Lee gushed, continuing her length rant about her confused feelings. "I don't even understand some really simple stuff. That's complicated, right? Are you ever going to talk to me again?" Ty Lee intently studied her hands. She felt foolish. "Is this not about me?"

Azula turned to face her ex and sighed. Ty Lee's eyes widened; she did not know what to make of Azula staring directly into her eyes with the expression of a disappointed and exasperated parent.

"Not everything is about you, Ty Lee, although I imagine that is difficult for you to swallow," Azula said, her voice hoarse from disuse, but scathing all the same.

Ty Lee jumped up. "I thought you weren't talking."

"I had nothing to say, until now," Azula replied, sitting straighter and assuming an air of importance that Ty Lee had forgotten. "I am very tired of hearing about your insecurities and desperate pleas for my attention, and can no longer bear it in silence."

Ty Lee was dumbfounded.

Azula hoped for that effect.

 **x**

"Hi, Zuko." This could not be more awkward. It was probably the most uncomfortable conversation Mai ever had.

They were in the throne room and Zuko was not on his throne. That made it worse somehow. Perhaps it was because Mai had to see his face, and that was a dreadful feeling.

"Hi," he replied, swaying slightly on his feet. He looked like he did not want to be telling her whatever it was he had to say. "I wanted to talk to you about you talking to my father. I've been having sort of a problem."

"Well, I'm afraid my visits with your father are recreational and I don't think I can help with whatever problem it is," Mai said too quickly. She showed a little of her heart—if she had one—and that was a cause for alarm.

"I know you took the job offer," Zuko stated. He now sounded far more businesslike, which eased the discomfort. "I'm not stupid. I also know that two people were kidnapped and I want you to show him these notes and see if he can make sense of it."

"You think they were kidnapped by terrorists?" asked Mai.

Zuko shrugged. "That's what the note they left said."

Mai stared at him for some time. She wanted to say _no_ , but she could not.

"I'll see what I can do," she replied as coldly as possible.

"You don't have to be cruel."

In earnest, Mai replied, "I'm not trying to be," on the way out of the door.

 **x**

An hour later, Mai examined the papers Zuko gave her for the tenth time as she walked into the room. They were a huge stack of correspondence and smudged ink that added up to a whole lot of nothing. Despite combing through the dossier, she had no idea what any of it meant. No wonder Zuko was having so many problems finding that woman and her child.

Ozai looked up at his visitor. The guard to the right hastily grabbed a chair and set it down for Mai.

 _Not bad_ , she thought as she sat down.

"I have to talk to you about a kidnapping," Mai authoritatively said, crossing her legs and studying the deposed Fire Lord. "Or kidnappings. Two people but at one time, so I'm not sure if it's plural or not."

"I'll look." He extended a hand through the bars and she gave him the parchment. Ozai set it down before looking at it, of course. Mai knew nothing was easy when dealing with people like him or his children. "Tell me about your life."

Mai had no words.

He added, "I'm not asking. I won't even read these until you respond."

"I can't believe I'm even negotiating with you. My life? My life is boring. Staring at the walls in here would be significantly more interesting, but I guess you want me to bore you. Ty Lee is in town. She's trying to cure your daughter, which seems to be going terribly. I expected that outcome, but somehow she didn't. She likes to run back to Azula." Mai did not mean to say so much. She was supposed to be the one in control of this situation, not spilling out facts about her meaningless existence at the beck and call of a monster.

Ozai said, "Maybe she feels guilty and tries to overcompensate by talking about her constantly," and Mai rolled her eyes.

"I don't talk about her constantly," Mai coolly corrected, refusing to let him get to her. "You asked about my life and I told you."

"I expected you to reply with some scathing insult and refusal to indulge me. I didn't know I had to hear about your little friends." He seemed happy about it in a very sick way.

He and his daughter took great pride in playing with people like they were toys, and great pleasure in watching others hurt. Not that Mai was hurting, but he thought she was, and that was good enough.

"It's the only thing that's happened to me in a really long time," Mai said, turning up her palm. She played it off like it meant nothing, and it _did_ to her.

Ozai laughed. "Your life _is_ boring. I thought you were exaggerating because you lack perspective and any mature patience for the world around you."

"I'm leaving." Mai stood up and softly kicked her chair to the side.

"Without knowing about that kidnapper?" Ozai held up the papers, shaking them once.

"Honestly, I don't care about that mom and her kid," Mai replied. "I don't know them and I never will know them. I'm just playing along with this job for fun."

He laughed again and she held her breath. "Your life is even more boring than I thought."

"But I bet anything yours is worse, seeing as you're locked in a cell. I bet I'm the most interesting thing that will ever happen to you," replied Mai.

Ozai said nothing.

Mai did not leave, but she did not sit back down again either.

 **x**

Meanwhile, Ty Lee sat down outside of Azula's door. She could not bring herself to go inside again, although she desperately wanted to. She wrung her hands and tried to hold back her tears.

Minutes later, Azula opened her door found her ex weeping on the floor. She stepped back and turned away because Ty Lee was not her problem. The circus freak came here of her own volition.

"I'm sorry," Ty Lee choked through a shroud of halfhearted sobs.

"Okay. When you came here to try to make me better, you made a choice, and, as with every choice, there were consequences. Your own inflated sense of self-important is not my problem. Now, I highly suggest that we just go our separate ways," Azula said, her voice still shaky. She must have been quiet for a very long time, and Ty Lee wanted to be flattered by it. "You can, of course, choose to stay and face those consequences, but I think they might be too much for you."

Ty Lee wiped her tears on her sleeve. She stared at the floor for a long time, and when she looked up, Azula was in bed.

Ty Lee said nothing.

Azula did not move, but she did not fall asleep either.


	5. Chapter 5

_chapter five_

 **x**

Mai had another dream about Ozai.

She was on a date with Zuko, one from years ago. It was horrible and boring and she hated it, but her subconscious remembered it well enough to recreate a distorted version. Zuko bought her a pastry and they walked somewhere secluded near the pier—in reality and in the dream—and Mai kissed him and he returned it with passion.

Mai pressed her thigh between his legs and felt the throbbing insistence too quickly. On the real date, they stopped there. In the dream, the pier caught fire and as it collapsed around them, Mai let Zuko tear off her clothes.

Amongst the chaos, Mai slid her hand down towards his cock and when he briefly met eyes with her, they were Zuko's but not Zuko's. The man pushing her onto her knees was not her former boyfriend but the former Fire Lord.

She _wanted_ to comply, and woke with a very uncomfortable memory of a war criminal getting acquainted with her throat. The heat between her thighs made her tear her blankets off and stand up, and she could not remember a time in her life when she got out of bed quickly.

It could not have anything to do with Ozai himself. She just was not having much contact with the opposite sex and her body was lacking it.

Mai needed to find a boyfriend, or at least a one night stand.

She would take anyone who could fog a mirror and did not look _anything_ like Zuko and his father.

That level of desperation depressed her.

 **x**

Ty Lee woke from a dreamless sleep with Azula on her mind. She did not know how she was supposed to conquer the gargantuan task of saving her love. Azula did not want her help, but that would never deter Ty Lee from trying. She had to help Azula if it was the last thing she did.

When Ty Lee got her tea and walked to Azula's room, the princess said, "You exhaust me," with an exasperated expression.

Ty Lee beamed, somewhat savoring Azula's bitterness. It meant the princess was feeling at least _some_ defeat. Perhaps she was realizing that Ty Lee would _never_ cave in.

Maybe this was not entirely futile.

"I love exhausting you." Ty Lee blushed when she realized the accidental innuendo. Azula smirked, clearly hearing it as well. "Not that way. Maybe that way. Not that way right now."

"I would never allow you into my bed. Don't worry." Azula stood up.

Ty Lee noticed her for the first time, maybe because of the words on her mind. Azula was in a robe with her hair hanging around her like a curtain, undone from the messy bun it was in while she was ignoring her old flame. Brushed out too. Ty Lee doubted Azula did it herself, but it was a step in the right direction.

The combed hair made Ty Lee very happy. Then she looked at Azula's legs and stopped feeling so pleasant. Why did she look at her legs? _Why_? That was really not making any of this easier. It was going to be hard to get that image out of her mind.

"I might change your mind about that," Ty Lee whispered, her heart pounding and her palms sweating and _how could Azula still make her feel this way?_

"After I poured tea on you?" Azula inquired, crossing her arms over her chest. "You don't change, do you?"

"I guess not." Ty Lee scratched her forehead and averted her eyes. "You look pretty, princess."

"I always do," Azula replied. Ty Lee thought of a few snappy remarks but kept them to herself. She _was_ willing to push boundaries with Azula after coming into her own, but she was not stupid enough to jeopardize her entire operation.

"Do you want to go on a date?" Ty Lee asked.

"I'm not going out in public," Azula spat, which Ty Lee half expected.

"We can have a date in the palace," Ty Lee suggested, feeling smart until she saw Azula's pitying expression. It always made her feel like a moron.

"I would like to see that. Leave my room now."

Ty Lee did as she was told.

 **x**

"Any progress on that kidnapping?" Zuko asked his ex-girlfriend. It was awkward, beyond awkward.

"My life has been fine," Mai replied, answering the _real_ question. That made Zuko blush. "I don't really care enough to ask about yours."

"But really about the kidnapping. It's important," Zuko said, to which Mai sighed. She knew it was her job, even if she did not care if those people resurfaced or even lived.

"I'll see your father today," she said begrudgingly. Facing Ozai was going to be difficult after last night, but she would manage. "I can try to make more progress."

"You're making more than anyone else would," Zuko said, meaning it to be a compliment.

"Don't say that," Mai said, a little too fiercely. She calmed herself and regained her composure. "I'd rather not be reminded."

Zuko stared at her for some time. She looked away and did not meet his gaze again.

"How did we become so broken?" asked Zuko.

"We were never whole," answered Mai.

She left the palace after that.

There was nothing more to say to him.

 **x**

Mai walked to the prison, scenarios flickering through her head. She knew it would be difficult, but she did not know how much she would regret every single step. All she wanted was to turn around and run from this problem, but she was going to find out about this kidnapping.

More importantly, she was going to prove to herself that the dreams meant nothing. Dreams never did, no matter what Ty Lee always said about magical vibrations or her plethora of interpretations. Mai did not believe in that. Most things in this world were meaningless, and the only people who thought they did were stupid and those who made up the meanings were charlatans.

When Mai got to the prison, she demanded a record of Ozai's visitors for the past two months. The new girl at the front struggled to find the pages in the rough, unstable book. Mai rolled her eyes as she waited.

Finally, she had it in her hands, and she arrived again at his cell. He almost looked like he was waiting for her.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Ozai asked.

Mai considered running. Instead, she picked up the book and handed it to him.

"Tell me about these people," she ordered, which she knew he would not take well. Royalty never could handle being ordered around.

He opened it to the page she had her thumb in moments ago.

"They all are either crazy or I slept with them or, most likely, both," he said, trying to hand it back. Mai crossed her arms. He held it out for a few moments longer before setting it down at the desk that he absolutely did not deserve.

"You sleep with visitors?" Mai asked.

"Why? Are you interested?" The way he looked at her almost made her slit his throat with one of his stupid pens. She swallowed her reaction and kept stony-faced. "I take that as a yes, but I think it might be a conflict of interest. You don't have any other exciting jobs lined up, now do you?"

"I don't need a job. I'm doing this because I'm bored, and I could find other hobbies," Mai replied, every word honest. "Let's discuss that little book."

He studied her for a moment, and at last ran his finger down the names.

"None of these people were very interesting," he said. "One of them probably is that kidnapper, but it isn't as if I _asked_."

"I'm not leaving here until you talk." Mai sat down on the floor.

She did not move.

He did not speak.


	6. Chapter 6

_chapter six_

 **x**

Days into her uncomfortable dreams, Mai was not asleep this time.

She thought she was the most pathetic person who ever lived already, but she outdid herself this time. Her life was frustrating and _boring_. She lay in bed in discomfort, unable to sleep as the only thing in her life danced through her head. Those royals would be her life forever, wouldn't they?

All she had in her mind was Azula stabbing her, brushing her fingers against the scars. And Ty Lee attempting to save her. When she touched her own skin she tensed the muscles in her legs.

She never felt as queasy as she did when she found herself preoccupied with the dream she had last night. The fact that her head added more and more to it without her permission.

The hot touch was the kind only an awful person would give herself.

But Mai never claimed to be a good person, did she?

 **x**

Ty Lee said swiftly and very nervously, "Have you… have you done it before because you're making a really big deal of it and…"

"Lots of times. A thousand times," Azula said to Ty Lee, highly disapproving of this midnight interrogation. "All the time."

They were on Azula's bedroom floor, surrounded by candles. Azula had lit a million of them but the room still felt dim without the sunlight. Ty Lee should have been in her own bedroom, but she was with Azula.

Ty Lee thought Azula's invitation was to have sex. She was very wrong about that. Azula must have just been lonely or uncomfortable or still having the nightmares Ty Lee wished she could make go away.

Azula was relatively aghast when she

"You're usually a way better liar than that," Ty Lee whispered, bowing her head slightly as a sign of submission. She should not say it, but she wanted Azula to know she can be honest with her.

"Fine. It isn't as if I had much opportunity."

Ty Lee smiled. "We did."

"But we didn't, and we won't." Azula sounded very confident about that. The kind of confident that just makes people nod and wholly trust her.

Which was sad. Ty Lee had hoped there would be some ambiguity to her words.

"Ever?" Ty Lee whispered, feeling like a child scared in the dark.

"Ever," said Azula, her expression unreadable. "You are the last person I want to sleep with."

"Oh," Ty Lee whispered, although she wished Azula would say otherwise. "You're the only person I want to sleep with."

Azula smirked, celebrating a small victory. "My condolences."

Ty Lee turned her attention to the night sky outside of the window. It was a very beautiful, crystal clear night, despite the light pollution from Caldera. She did not know how she could look at Azula when she was so in love with her that no one else would do.

"I should get back to my room."

"Oh, come on." Azula grabbed Ty Lee's wrist and pulled her back down. "You said you want to fix me, or whatever it is everyone has been trying. You are closer to succeeding than anyone else."

"Thank you, princess," Ty Lee said, smiling, hiding that she noticed that Azula was clearly enjoying playing with those who just wanted to help her.

Ty Lee believed she was broken; she saw it in her eyes. She saw that the vacancy was not an act, although Ty Lee did believe it served as a shield.

If Azula was starting to open up, Ty Lee would sit here surrounded by candles with her mind wistful and her face pleasant until the flames of the sun died out.

 **x**

"Zuko," said Mai as she entered the private wing of the palace. "Zuko, I wanted to talk to you."

"Anything about the kidnapping or maybe terrorism?" he asked, although he had a hopeful glint in his eyes. Mai did pity him, but she did not regret her decision.

She did see what she had gotten herself into once she was fishing for words in her mind. This was a horrible idea, but she was there, she was ready, she was going to try this out.

"I actually just wanted to talk to you," Mai lied, because she had no interest in speaking with Zuko. It would tempt her to fall back into a bad habit. "Privately."

They walked to a room that was too open. The fireplace was on and it was too bright.

Mai did know she did not want to go anywhere else. She could not force herself to move her feet if she tried. This would do.

"Are you okay?" asked Zuko, so honorably. Agni, his chivalry was annoying. "I want to help you even if we're not engaged and we both should be seeing other people."

"Who are you seeing?" Mai snapped, startled at her emotions.

It was not jealousy; it was envy.

He should not be allowed to get over their relationship before she did.

"Well, no one. I'm still…" He was still holding onto hope.

Mai approved of that unsaid answer, and so she slipped off her dress and kissed him.

This should erase her problem, shouldn't it?

It could possibly create new ones, but get rid of the dreams that most likely had everything to do with Zuko. It also definitely would answer the question of if Mai still cared about him or not.

He clearly loved her, and that felt good.

 **x**

They were together, half-dressed and in front of the fire.

The silence was beautiful. Mai approved of it, because she had her answer.

Then, of course, before she could collect herself and leave forever, someone gasped behind them. Oh, it was not shock or discomfort. It was girlish excitement and Mai found herself wishing that Azula had been the one to walk in on this.

Ty Lee was the absolute worst person to catch them.

"You guys weren't… were you?" Ty Lee asked, although she knew.

"We were, but I also was leaving," said Mai.

She got up and did not bother finding the rest of her clothes before she left.

Mai got halfway out of the palace before the footsteps caught up to her.

Ty Lee was still training, of course. Mai wished she spent more time honing her ancient battle skills, because maybe then she could have escaped.

Mai slowly turned around to face Ty Lee.

Ty Lee stared at her wordlessly, which did not make it any better.

Mai could just _hear_ the thoughts going through her best friend's head. They were not pleasant to think about. Well, Mai found very little pleasant to think about, but this was a new level of dreadful.

"You're still in love with Zuko. That's good," Ty Lee said, grabbing Mai's shoulders.

Mai stepped back but did not run away. Not yet.

"Two things," she said, holding up two fingers. "The first is that you're old enough to know that people don't have to be in love to have sex. The second is that I thought I was until that encounter and now I know I'm not. He's not right for me. Yet, I keep checking back to see if he is."

"Yeah, but he's always been in love with you." Ty Lee shrugged and smiled.

Mai replied, "You've always been in love with Azula."

"Hey!" Ty Lee yelped.

"I thought that would go over your head. Wow."

Ty Lee huffily explained, "I know she's… not sure about her feelings for me, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have them."

"Right," said Mai.

"Okay, so tell me why you think you're not in love with him."

Mai said honestly, "I would know if I was."

"How? You're not a love expert or anything."

"I know I'm not in love with Zuko, and I'm really just investigating some really weird subconscious messages I've been having. I think I'll just screw a stranger next. That might work."

"What subconscious messages?"

"No."

"I could help! Mai, I'm like a certified dream interpreter."

"Really?"

"Not _literally_ , but basically!"

"Yeah, I still would rather die than tell you or anyone else." That was true.

"Please, please, please. Please. I'll do everything I can to help you and I'm your best friend and I almost died for you so you owe me at least a hint."

"Here's a hint: mind your own business."

"That means you're still in love with Zuko! He'll be so happy!"

Mai swiveled around and barely stopped herself from slapping her ex-best friend. Ty Lee shrieked and jumped despite Mai not even lifting a finger.

"I am _not_ still in love with Zuko, and I had sex with him because I've been having sex dreams about his father. Goodbye."

Mai left quickly, desperate not to give Ty Lee time to react.

 **x**

Azula asked in the morning, "Ty Lee, what are you hiding?"

They were sitting at the breakfast table Ty Lee had set up in the sunlight. The princess was starting to play along and Ty Lee was thrilled. Zuko approved, but he probably did not notice this morning, because Ty Lee knew he was probably pining over Mai.

That girl could not keep breaking his heart.

Like Azula really should not keep breaking Ty Lee's heart, but she knew what she was getting into when she first fell for the princess.

"Nothing," Ty Lee croaked.

Azula narrowed her eyes. "What are you hiding?"

"It's not my secret," Ty Lee said, sweating.

Azula repeated, this time with more fervor, "What are you hiding?"

"Really, you don't want to know it. I swear, it's like the last thing you want to know, princess."

Softly now, which was the scariest level of Azula's voice, "What are you hiding?"

This time made Ty Lee feel compelled to do something awful.

She said, "Mai had sex with Zuko and I caught them and I thought they were in love with each other, but they're not. Well, he's in love with her, but she's not in love with him, and I think she's in love with your father."

Azula grimaced. "You were right. I did not want to know any of that. How would she be in love with my father?"

Ty Lee tapped the table and corrected herself. "Okay, well not in love with him, but I think she's in love with him, because you so don't have sex dreams about people every night if you're not in love with them."

"Two things," said Azula, holding up to fingers. "The first is that you don't have to be in love with someone to have sex dreams about them. The second is that I have no idea why you would think it is appropriate to share that."

"Just with you or like in general?"

"Both."

They met eyes.

Azula left breakfast.

Ty Lee thought she might have made a mistake.

But it was really _Mai's_ mistake, when Ty Lee thought about it.

 **x**

Zuko was stunned when he saw his sister. He was just taking a break, and now she was standing in front of him. The Fire Lord prepared himself to fend her off.

But she just said, "Why would you ever sleep with Mai?"

"Well, I know you don't like her, for a good reason, but I really do."

"That is not what I meant," said Azula, crossing her arms. This was the first real conversation they had for a very long time. Zuko did not like the topic, but he would try. "I meant why would you be stupid enough to just let her toy with you like that? She turned down your engagement, and broke up with you more than once."

"Why do you care about my best interests?" Zuko asked, squinting. "Not that I don't want you to care, but—"

"I could not care less about your best interests." Azula crossed her arms. He was impossible. "I just hate her and Ty Lee told me that she was just using you for her own ends."

"Coming from you, I don't think—"

"I understand my hypocrisy. I merely wanted to inform you that she was just trying to sort out her feelings for our father." Azula smirked at his horrified expression. "That's all. Don't get her pregnant if she comes back again."

Azula walked away.

She thought she hated the news Ty Lee gave her, but it was the best she had received in a long time.

Azula forgot how fun it was to play with Zuko and Mai's lives.


	7. Chapter 7

_chapter seven_

x

Zuko knew he should not say anything. It was a personal matter that he had no right to be involved in. Mai's life was no longer his business. _However_ , his father's life was entirely his business so no one could blame him for confronting _Ozai_ about what Azula said.

He visited the prison under false pretenses. When he walked in, he cleared his throat and Ozai looked at him with that familiar disdain Zuko always received.

"I want to talk to you about that kidnapping," said Zuko.

"I would much rather talk to your ex-girlfriend about it. I have been telling her all I know," said Ozai and Zuko lost his cool.

"What did you tell her? What did you lie about or coerce her with or—are you blackmailing her?—how did you—?" Zuko barked.

Ozai managed to avoid looking perplexed.

"I would appreciate a little more clarity."

"She's in love with you. You couldn't get her to do that without some kind of disgusting—ugh—something disgusting!"

Ozai had no idea. He never would have assumed that from his interactions with Mai and he wondered if Zuko was imagining things. His son always had a tendency to overreact. But Ozai did not care about honesty when it came to his traitorous disappointment of a child.

"It _is_ clear that she wants me desperately. I am amazed you didn't notice earlier," he said.

Zuko clenched his fists and Ozai could not help but smirk at it.

"Stay away from her," Zuko ordered furiously.

" _I_ don't have that choice. She comes to visit me and I'm not allowed out of this cell, remember?" Ozai's lips contort into an expression that Zuko wants nothing more than to burn off of his face. That would be immensely pleasing.

"You must've done something. Lied about something. Tell me!" Zuko's face was redder than his scar and Ozai was amazed he could keep from laughing at his son.

"Not that I know of," he said smoothly without a single crack or smirk. "She just wants me. I guess she was disappointed by you and wanted someone she knew was better."

Zuko punched the bars. Ozai could not hold back the laughter at this point and no one could blame him for being only amused by his son's anger.

"Leave her alone," stated Zuko through his teeth.  
Ozai gave Zuko a harsh truth he truly needed. It was good parenting.

"She is not yours to control," said the former Fire Lord to the current one. "You two broke up and she is fair game for any man who wants her… and that she wants in return."

Zuko decided not to waste any more of his time here.

 **x**

Zuko was rattled before his speech, more so because Mai was there. He held his tongue; he would not confront her about it no matter what happened.

As he spoke, she proved she still cared about him.

A blade hurtled at Zuko's face and he was too dazed from this morning's conversation with his father to react in time.

But Mai did. She tackled him and the blades went over their bodies at head level, thumping into the wall. Zuko breathlessly looks up. She saved his life. He decides to just laugh this off instead of admit how good it feels.

"It's been a while since you've thrown me to the ground. It's a lot less fun than I remember," he remarked. She did not laugh, but found it somewhat funny.

Slowly, Mai stood and tore the knives from the wall. Guards dispersed the crowd, desperately seeking the assassin, but she could tell more from the weapon than she could from blindly running around the square.

"What are they?" Zuko asked, standing up.

Mai examined them. "Double edged, expensive, made for throwing, distinctive signature of the maker. I know her."

"The assassin?"

"No," said Mai. "The person who sold them these knives."

Zuko considered that to be almost as good.

 **x**

Before Mai could track down Shan—the expert knife craftswoman—she decided to stop by the prison. He knew more about the extremists than he let on and she was the only one at this point who could get answers out of the former Fire Lord.

Mai left the knives she intended to confront Shan with later at the front desk and went to visit Ozai in his well-decorated and comfortable cell.

Once she explained, Ozai laughed.

He said, "Countless people want to kill Zuko. It will be like finding a needle in a haystack."

"But countless people don't buy extremely specific blades." Mai holds up the ledger.

"I am not doing this. Why don't we go back to the kidnapping? I honestly think it is unfortunate that Zuko evaded his death yet again," said Ozai, waiting for the right moment to comment on Zuko's little outburst.

"I saved him," replied Mai casually.

"That is so cute. It's unfortunate you love someone else," Ozai said, seizing his opportunity.

Mai rolled her eyes. "No. I really don't. Just because I don't love him doesn't mean I'm—"

"He came here this morning," said Ozai. "I think he wanted to kill _me_ because I was stealing you, or something along those lines."

"I would laugh if that was something I did." Mai crossed her arms, having no patience for this. "Does he actually think that?"

"Evidently." Ozai slid into full mockery. "Why would he make that assumption?"

Mai pieced it together quickly. "Ugh. Ty Lee probably told Azula who told him an exaggerated version to piss him off."

Ozai smirked. "Told Azula that…?"

"Told Azula nothing," said Mai, deciding that statement would be the only truth in this conversation. "I said to Ty Lee that I was so desperate I would even go for you. But I won't. I really, really won't."

"You protest very fiercely," said Ozai, drumming his fingers on his desk.

"I proved with my actions at the end of the war that I would literally rather be murdered than be with you," said Mai and that did temporarily shut Ozai up. "That should be plenty of evidence. Now, can we work on solving crimes together?"

"Did you really think she would have the guts to kill you?" said Ozai.

"A year ago she stabbed me in the neck over it."

He found that amusing. "She did?"

Mai lifts her hair and points to the scar. "Yes."

"That is a lon time to hold a grudge. But, it must have been nice to stop being a traitor to one set of people and be a hero to another," he replied, attempting to kick her off her footing.

"Nothing I've ever done in my life has been heroic," said Mai flatly, not faltering.

"Maybe," said Ozai lowly.

Mai decided to try a different approach. That of seduction. It was not her forte, but she hoped she could pull it off. "What if I was interested in you? How would you respond?"

"I have always been very attracted to you. You could have been my wife. Do you regret losing that opportunity?"

The answer was a sincere _no_ , but Mai coyly said, "I've wondered lately."

If it saved Zuko, it was worth it. Unless Mai truly did want to explore this deep, subconscious desire for this horrible man. She could do both. Why not?

"You would prefer me over him. I can see that," said Ozai, which made Mai want to retch. "I also can see that you're trying to play me. I don't blame you. We all do disgusting things to get what we want. We only can hope that what we wanted is worth what we do to get it."

"I want to save Zuko."

"I could tell you a few things about how the kidnapping you were working on is directly related to this particular assassination attempt. But first you have to tell me what you really confided in Ty Lee. Or Zuko. I'm not sure what I believe."

"What I want isn't worth telling you that," Mai said.

He smirked. She _did_ want him, else she would not have reacted that way.

Mai left.

Ozai knew she would always return.

 **x**

Mai walked into Shan's hidden shop. Shan ran a bar to support herself, but creating weapons was her specialty. Mai stepped inside the grimy place and walked to the counter.

"I'm looking for Shan," she said to the bartender, a scrawny man of about twenty.

"She's in the back," he said, jabbing his thumb in that direction.

Mai walked back and found Shan examining a jeweled hilt of a knife she did not make. Mai could tell from this far away; Shan made every decent throwing blade Mai ever had, not the army.

"Mai," said Shan, looking up from her work. "Do you need something? I've been working on your favorite style of throwing star if it intrigues you."

"I'm not here to buy. I'm here to question you about someone you sold to," said Mai flatly.

"I can't give away information about my clients," Shan replied, waving her hand. Mai grabbed it in midair and applied gentle pressure. Shan looked up at her.

"This client is a terrorist and tried to kill Fire Lord Zuko," said Mai, still calmly.

"Shame she failed," said Shan as Mai released her iron grip. "I never liked him and his policies. And the war made me rich."

"Zuko almost died and there are hostages involved. I need to save them and I need to put this bitch down before he or she succeeds at killing him."

"You two must still be together. Are you engaged yet?"

"No. We broke up a while ago," said Mai. "I'll look into my missing knives. You better not be lying to me."

"I have no reason to," said Shan with a shrug.

"Keep it that way," coldly said Mai as she walked back into the bar.

From there, she set out to confront Zuko with the information.

 **x**

Mai sat down across from Zuko at the teashop. She resented how much he set this meeting up like a date, but she knew she had to tell him what she found out from Shan.

"Do you think the assassination attempt is connected to our other problems?" asked Zuko.

"No," replied Mai. Then she sighed. "Maybe. I can't say for certain."

"So, what'd the knifemaker say?" asked Zuko, testing the temperature of his tea.

Mai thought about being straightforward and just telling Zuko she was livid he would rant to her father about something that absurd.

"What were you thinking when you left during the eclipse?" she asked, going in an indirect route. She did not know the right words to go about it the blunt way.

Zuko furrowed his brow. "That was a long time ago."

"Don't dodge my question," said Mai. " _Your_ choice that night changed _my_ life forever."

"I was thinking… that I'd stop being a traitor to one set of people and be a hero to another. No one would ever forget that I was a banished prince, that I wasn't…" Zuko shrugged. "I don't know why it matters. I did the right thing."

"Those sound like selfish reasons. Not that I should judge them. I've never been unselfish."

"You saved me."

"While I don't want you to die, because I think you're a good person and deserve to live, I don't lay my life on the line unless I have personal gain too," said Mai.

"Personal gain of being murdered?" He wanted to believe she loved him. He wanted to stop believing that he might have been wrong for assuming she did.

Mai gave no decent explanation. She seemed on the verge of it, but changed her mind and just said, "Leave me alone about your father. I would _literally_ rather die than sleep with him, and if I did completely lose my mind and my standards and go for him, that's none of your business." Mai began to walk away before turning around. "It's probably Azula who tried to have you killed, so look out for that too."

Zuko grabbed her arm. She shook him away but decided to let the conversation continue.

"Why do you think it was Azula?" he demanded, baffled by it. She barely got out of bed, much less organized displays of resentment.

"The assassin threw one of my old knives. It's either her or someone in your court. I would go for her because most people in your court wouldn't bother providing weapons to the assassin. You'd have to have a certain kind of flair, egotism and desire to be caught in order to do that."

Zuko said, "She's not really in that state of mind."

"Or so you think." Mai shrugged a shoulder and averted her eyes. She did not want to crush him this way; he was very touchy about her, given how much he laid on the line after the end of the war to protect her. "Maybe she's just toying with you. Maybe she's bored. You should buy her some dolls or paints or something."

Mai left at that. She knew she would get nowhere with Zuko.

He exhausted her.


	8. Chapter 8

_chapter eight_

 **x**

In the dead of the night, Azula and Ty Lee lay on their backs in the courtyard gazing up at the glittering stars. They looked magnificent tonight, and Ty Lee struggled to choose if she wanted to look at the beautiful Azula or the beautiful night sky.

"Are things going good between us?" Ty Lee asked nervously, wiping her sweaty palms on her gorgeous silk clothes.

"Be honest," purred Azula, running her fingers over the damp dark emerald grass, "you love fixing broken things. You fetishize it."

Ty Lee sucked in a deep breath as she broke out into an uncomfortable sweat. Azula could do so much to her with so little.

"N-not like-like-like _mechanical_ things," Ty Lee insisted, hoping with all of her heart to be let off the hook. "I'm not really good at that stuff."

Azula smirked, quite proud of how panicked she made Ty Lee.

"You love fixing broken _people_ and broken _situations_ , because it makes you feel important and useful to the world," said Azula. The truth of the chilling, cold, cavalier words punctured Ty Lee's soul. "The only problem is that I am not broken. At least, I am not anymore."

Ty Lee fought off a frown. She knew when she saw Azula nonresponsive that things were even worse than she feared over the years. They still were bad, Ty Lee knew, but she would _never_ slight Azula's incredibly large ego. That would be suicide. Literally. Azula would kill her for a single insulting word. Literally, and Ty Lee _knew it_.

"You're probably right, princess," Ty Lee decided to say. It was the right choice; she knew by the very placid expression on the face of her true love.

"The moon is lovely tonight," Azula casually said, and the night moved on.

She did not say another word about Ty Lee's desire to fix her.

That was for the best.

 **x**

Mai woke up to a sound downstairs. She heard hushed voices in the night and her skin broke out into gooseflesh. Her heart began to race with adrenaline when she heard the footsteps. People were inside of her house somehow. She grabbed the two knives she kept on her bedside table and crept down the stairs to slit the throats of any burglars.

She caught sight of a human shadow and lifted her knife to aim for the throw, but something hit the side of her neck. Mai dropped the knife as her vision blurred and the floor began to spin around her. Suddenly, she crumbled and fell into darkness.

For the next she did not know how long, she came to and then passed out and came to and then passed out and came to and then passed out. She heard voices, but none of them were very helpful. No one seemed to want anything from her, and no one moved her from the floor. She had her back against damp stone, but knew little other than that. The ceiling had faint traces of light but it was so blurry that she could hardly tell.

Finally, she opened her eyes and blinked several times. Everything returned to clarity and she took a few deep breaths as she looked around. Mai saw them first. They were the people she was supposed to be looking for, the ones who were kidnapped by the extremists.

Fantastic. That seemed to mean that Mai also was abducted.

This was easily within the top ten worst days of Mai's life.

She stood up and felt wobbly on her feet. Mai ignored the mother and child, who stared at her but did not say anything, and started walking towards the uneven stone steps in front of her. She moved so slowly that it pained her. Mai swayed, dizzy as could be, and therefore could not seem to move with the steps of a huntress.

Mai crawled up the stairs, slipping every second or two, and found that the door was locked. That was unsurprising. What _was_ surprising, was the fact that her hair remained in the bun she pinned it into when she slept. It hang loose and tickled her neck but no one bothered to remove the pins.

She took one into her shaking fingers and dropped it. Damn it. Teetering, she leaned down and picked the pin up in her trembling fingers. It took effort and made her head sear with pain as she forced her woozy self to focus, but she managed to unlock the door after a lengthy period of time, much longer than it usually took.

Eager to escape, Mai pushed open the door and started walking. How she swayed. She looked around and saw—despite the blurred surroundings—a crumbling abandoned fort. No one bothered to tear them down after the war; there was no reason to do so.

She started to wobble through, her ankles threatening to give out at any moment. No one appeared to be around, but she heard voices behind doors. Mai tried her best to be stealthy, and was glad she was taken without shoes. That helped her stay quiet when she could not focus her movements.

No one bothered her as she slid through the shadowy hallways.

There had to be a way out.

She was not the kind of person who stayed locked up for long.

She was stronger than that.

 **x**

Zuko found out about the abduction of his ex-girlfriend via a letter.

Reading it horrified him. He held it in his hands and read the words over and over and over again until he had practically memorized them. Once he had enough, his expression contorted into something truly sour and he burned the paper to ashes. The acrid smell of smoke filled his nostrils but he did not care. He let the ashes fall and did not care if they burned any of his nice furniture or lovely, expensive rugs.

None of those material things mattered when he could lose the one person he truly cared about above all else. He was in love with her and he would always be in love with her. Nothing could change that, even Mai breaking up with him.

Zuko had to verify it. Maybe the letter was wrong. He called a meeting.

They came to the consensus that the letter was true, especially after soldiers searched for Mai for an entire day.

"Maybe she just skipped town on me," said Zuko, but he did not even believe himself. "Maybe she did, maybe she did."

The words did not help soothe him at all.

She was in danger and he felt like there was nothing he could do about it.

 **x**

Azula sat on a patio in the sunlight with Ty Lee. She sipped tea as casually as could be while Zuko's court descended into chaos over one insignificant noblewoman. Ty Lee kept worrying about Mai, but she did not want to say it aloud.

Princess Azula would not let her get away with skirting around the topic.

"Mai was kidnapped by Fire Nation extremists. Did you hear?" purred Azula with satisfied smirk on her beautiful face.

"You seem really happy about that," squeaked Ty Lee, shaking as she spoke. "Not that you don't have every right to hate her but… but…"

"But nothing," snapped Azula. "She did the worst thing you can do to a person."

"It was a mistake, Azula. Everybody makes mistakes," whispered Ty Lee, unsure if she should hide behind her teacup. She wished she could disappear inside of it.

"Yes. Even I make mistakes, and this mistake was not hers. It was mine, for trusting her in the first place," Azula said, her lip twisted into a snarl as she set down her tea with no intention of ever picking it up again. She lost her appetite thinking about this. "I hope they destroy her."

"You…" Ty Lee swallowed her fears; she had to know. "You didn't arrange for it, did you?"

"No. I just got lucky, I suppose," Azula purred, leaning back in her seat. She shrugged and glanced up at the cloudless, eternally blue skies. "I would not use my power on something so petty, Ty Lee, I assure you."

"Oh, uh, good." Ty Lee forced a smile and bat her eyelashes.

"She betrayed you too," said Azula and Ty Lee's mouth opened into an 'O'. "What? She did."

"I'm not sure how, princess." Ty Lee blushed, embarrassed and confused and mostly ashamed for speaking so ill of her best friend just to impress the girl she pined after. It was sleazy and cowardly.

"You see, she made you lose everything you ever wanted just so she could have what _she_ wanted. _I_ would have given you the world, and you knew that," Azula said. Ty Lee knew it had partial truth, but she also knew something else.

"I didn't want her to die," whispered Ty Lee. "I'd rather lose everything than lose her life."

"Do you not think that most people would rather die than betray their friends?" Azula coolly said, locking eyes with Ty Lee and chasing her gaze when she tried to break free.

"Azula, can I say something you might not like," Ty Lee said very quietly. She felt super frightened to dare say it out loud.

"Fine," said Azula, shrugging.

"I know you…" Ty Lee rubbed her lips together and fidgeted before she could collect her thoughts again and continue speaking. "I know you want to hurt her and kinda hurt me and the thing is that it isn't gonna make anything you—you—you—you feel hurt any less."

"How wise," bitterly stated Azula, and Ty Lee decided she would never protest against Princess Azula ever again for as long as she lived. "How foolish."

"You're right," said Ty Lee, and she drank her tea in one gulp to avoid saying anything else.

Azula watched, amused by the display.

She liked to make them dance. That was why she hated dolls. People existed, you see, and people were so much more fun to play with than porcelain.

Ty Lee's cheeks remained flushed for ages.

 **x**

Zuko knew one person had to know where Mai was. It was the same person who knew that Mai was investigating the kidnappings. He went to confront his father.

"Concerned I am sleeping with your ex-girlfriend again?" asked Ozai mockingly, eyeing his son with a smirk Zuko would love nothing more than to wipe off of his face.

Zuko decided to bypass "pleasantries" and ignore his father's bile.

"Where is she?" screamed Zuko, his hands smoking.

Ozai calmly cocked an eyebrow. Zuko honestly thought he might murder his father if he did not think Ozai knew where Mai was.

"I assume you are referring to your _ex_ , in which case I would tell you that she probably just doesn't want you to know where she is," he said, which he truly believed. Ozai did not find it surprising that Mai would run from Caldera, that she would abandon Zuko and her life here.

Zuko snarled through his bared teeth. "She was _kidnapped_."

"Or so she said," Ozai replied, shaking his head at his own son's ignorance.

Zuko raged, "No! Not _or so she said_!"

"You were the one who had her investigating kidnappings. I would call this your fault."

Zuko hissed irately, "You would call a rainstorm a continent away my fault."

"Then why are you talking to me?" Ozai asked, fighting the urge to roll his eyes at the boy.

"Because you know. You know and I know you know," Zuko snapped.

"I do not. I like her. I want no harm to befall the girl and I would never allow my lackeys to hurt her. This is someone acting on their own to protect their work from her investigation," said Ozai, each word what he believed to be the truth, whether Zuko would believe him or not.

"Save it," Zuko snarled.

So tiring, thought Ozai, so tiring to deal with this insolent boy.

 **x**

Ozai thought about this kidnapping for some time. He found information about it, and used it to his advantage. It was true that the girl was taken for snooping. Ozai was wrong to believe she just grew tired of her boring life. He spent an entire night contemplating whether or not he should do something about it.

She was in love with him, apparently. He quite enjoyed that fact.

So, in the morning, Ozai summoned his son. Zuko came despite the fact Ozai had no power, of course, expecting that his father would confess to the crime of ordering Mai's kidnapping.

"I will rescue her," growled Ozai and Zuko sneered at him. "I _will_. You will find I will be quite cooperative, and you can so easily keep me in line now that I am mostly powerless."

"Why would you rescue her? I'm still certain you're the one who had her abducted! You're the only one who knew how much she knew!"

"No, I am not. I imagine people in your court were aware. Traitors are everywhere, and family are the only ones you can trust."

"I don't trust anybody in our family but Uncle, and barely him half the time."

"You have issues." Ozai shrugged. "But that is not the matter at hand. Give me resources and let me save the damsel in distress for you. I believe I am the best person for the job, since these people admire me so deeply. I can persuade, bargain and kill to bring her back to you."

"I doubt I'll get credit."

Ozai smirked. "Of course not. But did you not come here the other day to accuse me of seducing her? Perhaps you were right about something for once. Maybe I want her as much as you do, and maybe she would prefer seeing my face than yours."

Zuko glowered. "I will consider getting your help, but I'd sooner ask Azula. In fact, I sooner _will_ ask Azula."

"How foolish," said Ozai. "She despises Mai, even stabbed her in the neck once. My daughter holds deep grudges. But I quite like the girl. She is far more interesting than any others I have entertained in my life."

"I," snarled Zuko, "will think about it."

He stormed out of the prison.

Ozai slowly shook his head at his son's shortsightedness.

 **x**

Azula and Ty Lee were sharing tea beneath the rising sun when Zuko at last returned from the prison. Princess Azula reveled in how disheveled her brother looked after fretting for so long about his precious Mai. It was almost as enjoyable as knowing Mai was probably in agonizing pain, probably _afraid_ , locked up like she deserved to be.

"I want your help," Zuko spat, which made Azula roll her eyes.

"You ought to be polite if you want to ask me for something," Azula purred. Zuko was startled for a moment by how… not insane she seemed. She spoke like herself, but he doubted she could improve so quickly. Ty Lee was good for her, regardless.

"Fine. Please, could you help me," said Zuko.

"Tell me what you need me for," purred Azula.

Zuko took a breath and began.


	9. Chapter 9

_chapter nine_

 **x**

Zuko took another breath once he finished the story about Mai.

Azula stared at him for some time.

"No," she said. His lip curled into a snarl. "I don't care what happens to her."

"I— _you_ —you need to stop acting like you have any power. I have the power now and if you aren't going to try to become a better person—"

"I am an excellent person how I already am. You needn't try to change me. It must exhaust you and I will never bend to your will."

"Then maybe you'd be better off in prison."

"Maybe," she said. Zuko made a small growling sound in the back of his throat. "See, you're definitely still in love with Mai, sad as it may be. Perhaps these people snatched her up to try to cloud your judgment. Who knows? Isn't the Fire Nation more important than _her_? She betrayed both of us."

"She didn't betray _me_ , and she was only stopping you from killing me."

"A crying shame. Now I can only coerce assassins into doing it." Azula's lips twitched, a small smile that sent her brother's head reeling in rage.

Zuko lunged forward and grabbed her by the throat, pinning his little sister to the wall. She reached up and he prepared to be attacked, but she only swept her bangs out of her face so she could look him dead in the eye.

"If I find out you had _anything_ to do with any of this…"

"You'll what? Command me to make flower chains until I have a poignant mental breakthr—"

He slammed her back against the wall. "I will lock you up in the worst place I can find. I'm not punishing a daughter for the sins of her father, _but_ if you break the law, if you've been trying to hurt me or anyone else, I think the only thing I _can_ do is imprison you until the day you die. I don't pity you anymore."

"No. You just pity yourself, as always."

He released her and turned his back.

But she was not afraid of him. She could never fear dear ZuZu.

"You will help me save Mai. You will help me every step of the way. You will prove to me that I can trust you and that I should still make efforts to rehabilitate you, instead of locking you up as a lost cause," Zuko growled and Azula felt a chill wash over her.

"You remind me so much of father. I am proud." Azula thought perhaps he would punch her in the face for the comment, but he merely shrugged.

"I have things to do."

He was gone.

Azula was left standing alone, thinking, thinking, thinking.

 **x**

Azula sat perched in her favorite part of the courtyard. She sat atop one of the stone tables and Ty Lee sat below her. They both let both sun and shadows kiss their skin, opposing forces creating opposite sensations. The air smelled strongly of hydrangeas; they were on the cool, comfortable air this time of year. Azula touched Ty Lee's face, and then rescinded the gesture. It felt so soft.

"How many days before the kidnappers just kill her?" asked Azula, picking up Ty Lee's trembling hand. People still feared her, and that was uncomfortably encouraging. "One?" And she touched one finger to her lips. "Two?" And another. "Three?" And another before Ty Lee slowly and cautiously set her hand back on her lap.

"I hope we find her. I love you, but I hope we find her." Ty Lee felt uneasy about voicing the truth, but she loved Mai, so she had to.

"You cannot love me and hope we find her at the same time." Azula let Ty Lee sweat for a moment before continuing, "But I will help Zuko find her. It serves me well to do so."

"It—it does?" Ty Lee could not fathom why.

"It does." Azula kissed Ty Lee on the cheek and strode away.

The acrobat gazed after the princess, goosebumps rising on her fawn skin.

 **x**

Ozai stood in his glamorous incense-scented cell and stared at a trembling, profusely sweating teenager who seemed to be the person the resistance deemed competent enough to deliver this report. He breathed in the stale air and let it make him look even bigger, more threatening to the boy. And Ozai hears about this _Mai_ kidnapping and it fills him with a remarkably confusing rage. He clenches his fist, hard, painful skin against hard painful skin.

Yes, from a tactical standpoint there are far better and more important targets. It seemed like more than that, but Ozai shoved it aside.

Lighting up the outstretched silence with his strong voice, Ozai lectured brutally, "That was stupid. That was a stupid move. I'm tired of the idiots trying to play wise soldier. _It. Exhausts. Me._ " Ozai stood and as he looked at the quivering mess pretending to be important, a surge of rage filled him and his useless, useless, useless fist collided with the wall.

He hated these people. He hated himself. He hated his son.

The ridiculous little boy asked nervously, "Sh-should we rescind the act, your eminence?"

"No. She _is_ somehow the closest person to him, despite his array of... _friends_. Yet, I think she would be a remarkable _ally_. I saw in her eyes and in her words that she would switch sides. That would have been far more useful to our cause, would you agree?"

"Yes—I mea— _yes_ , your eminence." Now the man began to sweat profusely. Briefly, it entertained Ozai, but it also reminded him that he lost the ability to act on a threat, to strike fear through violence. Now he had to play a different game. His parents taught it to him, he supposed. He knew how. He found it tedious once he was in power.

Manipulate their belief in you. Make promises. Be intimidating.

For the weak, in Ozai's eyes, but perhaps, as he sometimes thought in the dead of the livid hot summer night, _he was weak._

"Just do something about it," spat Ozai.

The boy did not know what that meant. He was terrified. He did not know what this man wanted and it was making him feel faint.

Therefore, he gladly took any excuse to politely leave.

 **x**

The Former Fire Lord Ozai's next visitor was a woman, but not the kind he would like to see.

It was his daughter, handcuffed, escorted by soldiers, dressed like a civilian and holding herself like a poised princess, not a prisoner or a madwoman.

"Could I be alone with my father?" Azula demanded. "Feel free to eavesdrop, but you all know that I told Zuko I would be saying the right words to get what he wanted. You won't discover anything particularly interesting by making this reunion awkward."

After a few moments, the soldiers made their choice and stepped out of the room.

Azula strode towards the cell, but did not move as close as most did.

"You look well, ember," said Ozai. She did not reply, did not know how to feel about a common Fire Nation pet name instead of a title. He was her father, and so she let him call her 'ember' all he wanted. "And apparently under the impression that she is too good to have a civil conversation."

"I am thinking," Azula said, harsher than she intended. "I have considered how to gradually introduce the idea of why I am forced to come here, but I realized how little I care and therefore I will be up front with you. I know nothing about this kidnapping. It was not my work. I can think of only one reason why Zuko seems so proud to have denied your _help_ and therefore I assume you have something to do with this. I want it undone."

"And I honestly thought you were here to sob about your childhood."

"I don't have any complaints about it," she said. "I lie in bed and miss it deeply every day, but I'm not in the mood to reminisce. I am playing a long game and this has screwed up my entire strategy. I need Mai back, I need this erased, and I need to keep focusing on my own plans."

Ozai laughed sharply, coldly, bitterly, mirthlessly and Azula watched. "You always cared more about yourself than the Fire Nation."

Pacing, Azula said, "If I may speak bluntly, I think I got that from you." Her teeth—in a sweet but wicked smile—briefly flashed white and he watched them bared like a brutal predator.

He suppressed his own smile because he did not want to play with her.

He supposed he wanted Mai rescued as well.

Ozai said in fully honesty, "Your game must be leading somewhere very good if you want to save the girl you recently stabbed in the neck."

"That was a mental break," said Azula, making her pretty lie as obvious as possible. "I cannot be held accountable, and I regret it. She was once a dear friend and I value old friends."

He wondered if that may be a hint as to what her goal was, what her aforementioned steps would be. Maybe it was merely a throwaway comment. He pushed it to the back of his mind to examine later when it was of more importance.

So long as her game did not interfere with his, he wished her the best.

She deserved to be happy. Happier than Zuko, at least. She did not betray him and she always loved him as a daughter should; Ozai still valued her even after she ceased to be useful.

Azula's eyes trailed away from him and he did not know why until she lit the room with a brief flash of bright blue and a scorched moth plummeted, dead, to the stone floor.

"Your needless display of power does make me think," said Ozai, sitting down, observing her closely, waiting for her to show any indication that she had the same thought. "We might have the same ends in mind, and if we worked together it would make acquiring means far easier."

"I am afraid I trust no one at the moment. You see, I only recently recovered from having lost my fucking mind, and I'm not taking any risks. The job of pretending to be on my side and then screwing with me has already been taken by my own mind," Azula purred and he felt a small surge of pride. She had such a way with words, better than he did but honed by him. The perfect scenario for a parent to admire.

"If you change your mind, you know where I am," said Ozai, not bothering to look interested anymore.

"I suppose I do," said Azula. "But we have lost our way in this conversation. I want you to pull strings with your little buddies the terrorists and get her unkidnapped. We could even play you up as the unlikely hero."

"And why would I want that?" Ozai growled, half-sick of this already.

"Because you want her, and that could be so easily arranged at the small price of a few well-told lies," said Azula, and, without even bidding the man she once loved above all else goodbye, she left the room.

Ozai cracked a quill in his fist as he watched her walk away.

He did want Mai.

For the first time, he admitted to himself that he wanted her.

 **x**

That night, after Azula gave her carefully worded report to Zuko, "Ty Lee," whispered Azula as they went through the motions of a bedtime routine, "I want… I want to tell you something, but you must promise me you will say nothing to Zuko."

Horrified but unsurprised, Ty Lee asked in a hushed tone, "You _did_ have Mai kidnapped?"

"Of course not. I am no fool," Azula snapped before remembering herself and regaining her composure, or invaluable lack thereof. "I… but I… but I am starting to fall apart. I can feel it gradually tightening around my neck like a pythanaconda, crushing my chest like weights, forcing the breath from my lungs, squeezing tighter and tighter on my neck." She set her fingertips near her clavicle for effect, and it worked. Ty Lee's eyes bulged and she scurried to her true love. She wrapped Azula in her arms and did not see the one smirk that Azula accidentally let slip out.

"What's wrong? Please, princess, I want to help you," begged Ty Lee, taking both of Azula's trembling hands into hers and holding them tightly.

"I'm falling apart. I can't have anyone know. People are beginning to respect me again. I won't be looked at in pity by my brother or anyone else!" Azula went all out with her shuddering gasp. Perfect. She needed pity, of course; she needed it for her plans to play out properly. But she had to look like she resented it.

Azula forced herself to sob. It became easy quickly. Too quickly. She was truly crying at this point, but she did not know about what. All she could do was shove the emotions into the back of her mind and continue with tonight's outburst as planned.

Ty Lee tenderly knelt beside her atop the mattress and cupped Azula's face in her calloused hands. She wiped away Azula's tears as they fell, not allowing a single one to fully roll down her face. Ty Lee kissed her twice and pulled her close and Azula could not tell if it was sickening or pleasant.

"He already thinks I did something to Mai," said Azula breathlessly, letting herself weep and weep as she spoke. "He'll lock me up if I break. I'm dangerous, arne't i? I'm dangerous if I lose it again, and I'm losing it again and I don't know how to stop myself. I fell from a cliff and there's no one to grab my hand and keep me from falling."

"I am," said Ty Lee with a conviction that pleased Azula. So Ty Lee _could_ be counted on. "I'm here. I'm not going to let anybody hurt you or anything. I'll help you. I love you. I don't want you to be hurting."

Ty Lee embraced her. Azula forced herself to sink into Ty Lee's arms.

"I don't think I can save myself from my broken mind," Azula whispered.

"You don't have to. I'm here and you don't have to."

Azula let Ty Lee hold her for as long as she liked. She let her be the first to break away, revealing a disheveled, ruddy, tearstained mess of a woman.

Ty Lee's heart fluttered.

She must have rushed Azula, and now she was going to lose her.

 **x**

That morning, Azula lay there in silence.

She stared at the ceiling.

She did not say a word and she watched Ty Lee panic and sob and worry.

She let herself look as pitiful a creature as could exist.

She watched them panic while remaining utterly nonresponsive.

It was fun when she had control like this; it was not fun in the past when falling into catatonia was all real and agonizing.

 **x**

Zuko and Ty Lee stood on a palace balcony where they would not be overheard. They spent an odd amount of time finding shapes animals in the clouds above. After a few patient minutes, Zuko pounced and launched into why he asked Ty Lee to meet him here.

"She'll be okay. It's a setback," said Zuko, hating himself for hoping it was one. Then again, the alternative was worse. If she was using them, if she was lying…

No. She was like this before because of her illness.

 _But_ Azula is the type of person who would try to make an illness into an advantage.

He tried to find reason and more understanding in Ty Lee. She had been closest to Azula in these past fateful days.

"She's smarter than me," said Ty Lee. She paused, thinking for a few moments. "She's smarter than you. I think she's playing… playing a couple steps ahead of where we are."

Zuko's hair stood on its ends. Maybe his worst fear was true; maybe Azula learned how to use her illness as a weapon, just like she could make anything handed to her deadly. "Playing what?"

"I don't know. It's—it's just the best word I could come up with." Ty Lee wiped away a few stray tears. Zuko did not think he had ever seen her cry as much as she had upon coming to the Fire Nation to help care for Princess Azula.

"Do you think this is fun for her?" Zuko asked, although he knew the answer.

Ty Lee stared thoughtfully at the puffy passing clouds in the bright blue sky. "Yeah, but I don't know if that's what I meant by playing."

"So stop her."

"I love her, Zuko. I love her so much."

"Do you?"

"I think I do." Ty Lee meant it. She looked deeply into his eyes and he knew it was real love. At least, he knew Ty Lee thought it was and that was the same thing.

"Then you do."

Ty Lee shook her head. "It's probably better if I just say I think I do."

"It's never better to lie," vehemently insisted Zuko, locking eyes with Ty Lee.

"I don't know if I'm lying or not. I think I love her, okay?"

"But that's all love is. Love is just thoughts."

Ty Lee rubbed her lip and studied the boy she was pretty sure she knew. He confused her more often than Azula did and that was quite the statement.

"Yeah. Maybe you're as smart as her."

"No. Somebody told me that once. It isn't my own, uh, wisdom. I guess it's wisdom of a sort."

Inspired by Zuko's words of choice, "I guess it's love of a sort," admitted Ty Lee. "With Azula. Me and Azula."

"I would never ask you to choose between your feelings for my sister and anything else. I know you, Ty Lee, I know you and I know you wouldn't ever conspire against me. She would… you wouldn't. I… I don't even remember where I was going with this."

 _Zuko could remember being at the Western Air Temple. He and Katara were far from warming up—far, far from it—but they did hold one real conversation amongst all of the fair and deserved hatred. She questioned him about leaving Mai behind after hearing him talking about it to Aang._

 _"_ _Do you love her?" Katara asked, sitting in front of him._

 _He felt wildly uncomfortable being subjected to her bright blue gaze._

 _"_ _I think I love her," he said, throwing an arm up._

 _"_ _Then you love her," stated Katara._

 _Zuko snarled, "I just_ said _that I don't know! I just—I just_ think _I love her!"_

 _"_ _That's what love is," said Katara firmly, her resolve as thick as ever. "Thoughts."_

 _He hated that she was right._

"Should we be playing too? Just to keep safe?" Ty Lee asked, stepping closer to Zuko.

"No. Their schemes will destroy them."

"I hope you're right," murmured Ty Lee, running her hand across the uneven stone railing.

"I hope so too," Zuko admitted.

She laughed; he laughed. It was not the time for laughter.

They did not care.


End file.
